Our Olympic CV

By Josh Burrows and Matt Sherry

It started as drunken bet - now it is becoming a reality. 

On the eve of the 1000 days to go anniversary to the London 2012 Olympics, we are attempting to complete a sporting marathon- and compete against each other in every Olympic sport.

Here's our Olympic CV.

Archery

Matt - One of the few times my Boys Brigade experience will come in handy.

Josh - Genuinely massive fan of its sporting cousin, darts. Also fashioned longbows from bamboo rods as a child.

Athletics

Matt - Once competed for the school in a regional championship. Never won anything.

Josh - Southover Primary School 100m champion whenever genuinely speedy bloke called Phil Greatwich was unwell on sports day. Once watched a bloke throwing up after running the 800m and was impressed.

Badminton

Matt - The sort of sport I can see Burrows excelling in but I might just be worth a flutter.

Josh - Help to erect the family badminton net at the beginning of every summer. Get cross when my mum beats me.

Basketball

Matt - I have watched ‘Space Jam' too often to be beaten.

Josh - Only gave up my second favourite sport when realisation dawned that well-spoken university graduates from Sussex market towns are not always welcome on basketball courts of Brixton.

Boxing

Matt - Everyone who has witnessed me pounding the punch bag at home will tell you one thing - I'm bloody good.

Josh - Once had a punch bag in my bedroom but have never hit another human. Matt brags, but he's more bulbous than Balboa.

Canoeing

Matt - In my one canoeing experience, my kayak capsized and I had to be rescued. I vowed never to do it again.

Josh - Proud owner of a badge confirming my status as a two-star canoeist. Once also the proud owner of a graceful red and white sea canoe.

Cycling

Matt - Once did a 15-mile stint when travelling with a team of coast-to-coast cyclists.

Josh - Lifetime cycling obsessive. Built my own singlespeed commuting machine, named ‘Foxhunter', which remains my pride and joy. If I lose this I will cry my eyes out.

Equestrian

Matt - I'm allergic to horses. Genuinely.

Josh - Have ridden a camel, once, and an elephant, once. Horses are smaller and therefore easier to control.

Fencing

Matt - Since agreeing to this project I have studied Darth Vader's light sabre technique intensely.

Josh - Inherited a ceremonial sword from my grandfather. Occasionally sleep with it under my pillow when concerned about being alone in the house.

Football

Matt - Was a good player when I was about 11, but frequent ankle injuries ended a promising career.

Josh - Never was the first pick in the playground but got a game because I enjoy playing in goal. Recently spent an entire summer achieving 50 kick-ups.

Gymnastics

Matt - No comment.

Josh - Strangely flexible. 

Handball

Matt - I think it's pretty similar to dodgeball and if Vince Vaughn can do it, I can do it better.

Josh - In possession of the strongest throwing arm I know. In addition, the sport was plainly created by combining cricket and basketball - my two favourite sports.

Hockey

Matt - Helped captain the Boys Brigade u10s team to an historic victory.

Josh - Once helped my university hall's team to an unlikely semi-final spot in meaningless intramural competition.

Judo

Matt - Don't expect any groundbreaking new techniques. But do expect Burrows' body broken on the ground.

Josh - Occasional pseudo-judo bouts with younger brother on sofa throughout difficult teenage years. Not convinced Matt will fit a judo belt around his midriff.

Modern Pentathlon

Matt - I'm not 100% sure what this is.

Josh - I'm told this involves running around carrying firearms. As a South London resident this is sure to come naturally.

Rowing

Matt - Once rowed a boat with my Dad in Stratford-Upon-Avon.

Josh - Dad competed to a decent standard. Therefore some favourable genetic predisposition. Probably.

Sailing

Matt - Once commandeered my Granda's fishing boat. It sunk after one journey.

Josh - No experience at all. Suspicion my boat is less likely to sink than Matt's. 

Shooting

Matt - Once watched on in awe as my brother won a shooting competition on holiday in Spain.

Josh - Trained with air pistols every Monday for a year in an underground bunker with people wearing black shirts with disturbing slogans like ‘gun control means using both hands'. Seriously.

Swimming (and diving)

Matt - The certificate I received for swimming a mile aged 11 still graces my bedroom wall.

Josh - Hardened up in a torturous outdoor pool during primary school years. Flourished during Mediterranean family holidays.

Table Tennis

Matt - Played quite a bit at school, but stopped when I realised my mates were getting a lot better than me.

Josh - One-time member of Southover Church Hall Table Tennis Club - run by a bloke called Roy every Tuesday. I understand Matt plays a bit of beer pong.

Taekwondo

Matt - Once saw Jackie Chan walking around London. (Or at least someone that looked like him.)

Josh - Long levers equal high likelihood of success. 

Tennis

Matt - Annihilated my mates in the summer of 2009 having discovered ability from nowhere.

Josh - Some track record in the squash court but gave up when my mate got better than me. Also obsessed by Anna Ivanovic.

Triathlon

Matt - Ran 15 miles a day last year before becoming the lazy beer-bellied man you see now.

Josh - See: swimming, athletics and cycling. Matt will be left trailing in my wake/slipstream/footsteps.

Volleyball

Matt - Once won a competition during a holiday in Spain. Looking forward to seeing what Britain women's team has to offer. Slightly concerned Burrows would prefer to play with the men.

Josh - Owner of several pairs of very short summer shorts. Vain hope that ability to juggle will be useful.

Weightlifting

 

 

Matt – Can’t see Burrows’ gangly frame winning this one.

Josh - Borrowed a 15-kilo dumbbell from my girlfriend's brother six months ago. Have never picked it up. Possibly can't pick it up. Matt may win this.

 

 

 

Wrestling

 

Matt - Stone Cold Steve Austin is one of my heroes.

Josh - Always disliked WWE because it wasn't the real thing. Almost certain I will hate the real thing even more.